Smart Phones.

Not having a smart phone, or even device. Could prove itself to be a controversial topic.
‘Who the fuck doesn’t have a smart phone other than dealers and cheap edgy ironic hipsters?’.
Well, you smart phone wielding tit arse. This guy right here, this Pleb.

I’ve dabbled – a cheap old Samsung moon-rising-experia or whatever-the-fuck.  Pardon the pun, but I may be coming across as out of touch. Oh yeah, lick that joke off my boot – It blows peoples mind when I need to let them know upon Instagram requests and the like that I indeed have an under ten pound option, modern build, that has three primary functions (for me).


It has a fucking great torch on it that switches on when you press and hold the #5 button. Yes….buttons…remember those?
These functions are enough for me and really should be enough. But sometimes I sit and wish I could be playing Pokémon Go , you all look like you’re having a great deal of fun. Good for you.
I’d like to be able to email more on the go – much more work would get done. Perhaps I’d be able to keep an eye on my blog, the news, the weather, bus times and shit all day.
But fuck it, no one needs to do that to do well.
I say this without being all high and mighty – in my brief time with a smart device, it was revealed to me that these things are more all consuming than they appear to be. Take photos, upload photos on to Facebook, browse Facebook, browse the web, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe. Notifications, bleep bleep bleep, turn them off! And render the point of instant contact/instant response useless, and forget about those other things and be distracted by another stupid thing.  It was difficult to moderate such a BLAM of information to my pocket and therefore my cock and balls.

I even set up a twitter, now again redundant. The only action my ‘blog’ Twitter gets is when I decide to release something I’ve written. The only REAL things I would want a smart phone for are their Cameras and internet banking. Because money often vanishes fast and hard from my bank account. Got a new job but more on that another time maybe.

I had an Amazon Kindle Fire HD 7 SUPER HOT FIRE tablet bought for me as a birthday present. I didn’t know how to take it, until I started using it for banking and emails – then it was love.
Then I got a free Zynga Poker App. Because poker is fantastic fun, and when it’s free, it’s endless, hours of fun. It was a game a played whilst drinking and smoking alone for hours and hours and hours winning and losing. I was so much of an addict that I had to play till the point of losing all my virtual currency so that I could sleep, and that time didn’t come much before 4am. I am an addict and can get addicted to almost anything but games really fuck me up. And another game called Tap Titans, which is a simple Kill things > Get Money > Invest Money > Kill things faster > Make more money > Repeat model. I played it for 40 hours or so. No crazy story, no decent soundtrack no amazing game play and ground breaking mechanics. But jesus Christ fuck me, I have issues and perhaps this is all projection. But it is what it is – so fuck you. I also spent about a fiver on more chips when I went bust a few times…I could easily fall into THAT trap.

There are benefits, but surely people must see that something is wrong. How many people do you know who can’t have one moment to themselves without wanting to share it around the world for validation. Vanity and narcissism is aloof with more and more people whoring themselves out all over the fucking world with annoying fucking hash tags and unbelievable self-worth. I mean fair play to you, I’d love to be beautiful and think that people actually cared about my life in that way thanks to a few photos, a few hash tags and a suggestive pose, glossed up with a universally appreciated filter.

I’m also happy to not be one of those people on public transport, head down swiping away.
Also very happy not be another person at the dinner table or out at a restaurant sitting there ignoring everyone in the present moment. Not another twat in a car texting and driving obsessed with a COMPUTER, and consequent window to the ‘modern world’.

Perhaps I will change my mind, but until smart phones are no longer a plague against society then I probably won’t. I don’t want to end up like that. Living in a world where it is perfectly OK to sit in a room with other people, not say a word to each other but speak to everyone and everything else. Because I wouldn’t be able to control myself, I consider going phoneless but it’s just me wanting to get rid of my facebook in all honesty.

It’s funny how I can’t ‘yet’.
Another thing to consider another time.

In short summary: I abstain from smart devices because I do not want to be another head down staring in to the social window of our time. It makes me uncumfortable, it worries me, I wouldn’t be able to control myself if I did.

I don’t know if this is a sound case, it comes off as just a rant.



  1. I’d say it’s a pretty sound case. It’s not so much that smart phones and the aforementioned apps are a problem in themselves, but – like you admitted what may happen to you – people can’t control themselves. Moderation is the word here, but I get that it’s hard to do when the shit is in your pocket and you’re kind of just standing around. It makes sense why people would just whip out their phones.

    It doesn’t at all matter, but it pertains to the whole oversharing topic. I was at work the other day (valet). The location has a hill, a van got stuck driving up the hill. He’s asking what’s wrong, if there was something possibly wrong that he couldn’t see. I’m talking, trying to help and this person next to me whips out their phone to put it on Snapchat, and I couldn’t help but think “Are you fucking kidding me?” These are the type of people we’re dealing with.


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