Something gets to me every day. I need to get this off my chest, It’s been whirling whirling whirling round my mind for some time – I need to talk. You know, to someone I can trust. SO…Here goes.
You use it every day, morning and night. You stick it in your fucking mouth and spit mint.
Fucking disgusting. Then you wash it and stick it, well from what I’ve seen in most households.
A communal pot.
I genuinely dislike them, all of it. The action, the tool, the cups. Tooth Brushes are very literally one of the only objects in the world that succeeded the dildo and flesh light in my life as being the ones I find most repulsive . If not the most. It’s getting to the stage where I feel like I need to replace it every month or so. I actually sometimes…sometimes avoid brushing. Grim right? I don’t choose this at all. Alright?
My earliest memory of a toothbrush was when I was brushing my tongue perhaps for the first time, and I stuck the toothbrush down my throat and projectile vomited across the sink, in shock, awe and I was also impressed.
But that’s not even part of the problem, the problem has nothing to do with that in fact. Just to be clear. It’s this plastic thing to me –Dirty – Some peoples bristles stick out all wide and have old tooth paste in them looking like unwashed toilet brushes.
And you animals, you fucking animals put them in your little family SPIT BUCKET. Or hang them on the wall with some bastard fucking little cute piggy with your shit name on it. Stop it, it’s wrong – I don’t have the solution but please stop.
Ah jesus lordy now you’ve woken the devil in me.
You do realise that at the bottom of that wretched cess pit of goo is water, tooth paste and spit. That has drained off of these horrible things.
I can’t even have my own separate one, my sister recently cleaned the toilet and honestly hats off to her for the thought, put my toothbrush in a glass away from the sink. Prestige, advert looking shit. I keep my brush trim, the lighting was good, it created mood upon such a simple and vital tool.
But it wasn’t enough. Honestly I recall then thinking ‘what did I do to you?’.
Housemates throughout University had dropped or placed them in the SPIT BUCKET.
I tried not to kick off but I did have to have a word.
So where do I put it? I hear you ask me this now. I can’t make it float – A dream come true.
But I do have a method. And it’s probably no better. S
I lay my brush on the side of the sink facing outwardly, so vertically with the brush facing you. But!
But! But, the bristles hang off the edge of the sink. In this, I am Zen. I wash my brush handle nicely after the act, I look into the sink when I spit and look away it makes me feel uneasy, unsteady.
Don’t brush too hard. Don’t want to mess the bristles, wash the handle bit really good, sort of dry it out with your hand and then wash hands. This is my chosen method.
But it’s been in use a while and I do have a new brush, yet I am riddled with the fear that in this state of mind it would begin the month thing and the brush might not feel right. It looks okay.
Anyone else feel this shit?
I shrug my shoulders and wonder what this is all about. It’s such a ludicrous thing to me, I know. It’s not right to have your blood boil when the thing is out of place.
But what am I supposed to do, my method I must say is notably cleaner but by my standard. Just fuck it can’t be any other way and I can’t see it going any other way, just try not to obsess over the new brush.
Transitioning isn’t easy, whole new feel, fresh bristles.
They could be fuckin dreadful, scraping away at my gums.
The thought brings frown to my brow.
I won’t get started on electric toothbrushes now.