Not The News #1


A sixteen-year old on two fast wheels experienced what he has stated to be ‘a life changing moment’.

Last Tuesday as he galloped at speeds exceeding 50mph on his petrol Scooter.
The youngster from a location, in a town on a street in a country where deers suffer a greater fatality rate than anywhere else in the world on the road (humans taking a close second place), was taking his usual route home across a narrow country lane.
Feeling confident in his stride, he pushed the limit and carelessly sped on and on.

The haunting memory of the incident fragile youth is with him to this day,

‘The next thing I know, a deer jumps from out the bushes, straight into my line, I couldnt believe it.’

He goes on to explain how he collides straight into the deer, at full force; Splitting the animal in two, sending him spinning and flipping from his two wheeled motor vehicle into a nearby ditch.

He continues,

‘We shared a moment that night, our paths really crossed, we knew what was to be and so it was…’

He added, ‘Im lucky to be alive, I had shit stains all through my jeans…the vehicle with two wheels is safe though, spent a day or two pulling guts from the wheels, I gave the beauty a few revs and span the back wheel out. Proper dirty noise when some organs were being blended but I managed to flick rest of the mess across my driveway’

He was taken to hospital that night and treated for his wounds. Luckily he had only suffered a two fractured shoulders with nerve damage throughout, broken left angle, cuts, grazes and a distinct loss of sensation in his nipples.

His recovery was swift, yet in the wake of the nerve trauma he sustained, he believes he has recieved an odd and adequate compensation as a result of the ordeal.

‘Everyday, I felt like I knew something was coming, something big and strong, mighty! But I just couldnt work it out…I thought I could sense the traffic from about an Olympic sprinters running distance’

Deery me, what a crazy one eh folks? Yeah fuck you too.

For more weird and wacky stories, bullshit and more.
Just like this garbage.

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For your daily dose of clickbait: Ten things you didnt know about ???? lists, American something vs. English something or perhaps
Disney Characters if they were transvestites in a Tim Burton prejudice free society.

Hit like and share and pintrest pin the fucking thing, retweet it, reblog it – re-read it – print it and pin it over missing persons posters fuck them!

Just so we can keep making the same old shit for you to give yourself internet brain cancer with.

Your brain deserves to be melted, let us be the microwave.
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This article was written by BignutsTheTiredPlebNewsMan


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