How to find a job and maybe get one
I started off the old fashioned way, being unemployed. This is an excellent first step as a job seeker, congratulations. No job seeker is a more desperate than the unemployed.
It’s likely you lack experience, you are young and every single ad you stumble across whilst foraging in the brambles of job site search engines needs a level of experience you may not have even thought your desired profession fucked with.
So here right now, I am in the midst of a frankly shocking attempt at getting a job in writing.
I’ve got the basics down.
- Your first month, if mine is anything to go by, consists of searching for jobs in the local area: Picker packer, postman, phone sales. (Lot’s of P’s) And so on. But I desire to have a proper shot at something I would consider a decent move for myself. Writing. Because I am terrible at it, I want to attempt Copywriting professionally. Done bits here and there. Anyway.
Browse all of these jobs, click those applications and upload that CV!
- Make a CV!
Well this is a great place to really sell yourself, believe me, you wait until you realise how interesting you honestly really truly wish you were; the CV is your ticket to job town. Choo choo.
Now you’ve fully scoped out the foreign land of employment, you should feel confident on your routes of entry, I hope. If not, sort it out.
The CV is simple. Smash it into these sections.
- Header: This includes full name, address, email, phone number. In that order okay? Don’t screw with me kid.
- Personal Profile: This is where you highlight these things that make you, kind of special. Team player? Good stuff. Reliable and flexible? Smokin’ hot. Approachable, energetic, outgoing? This is Human Resources porno.
- Skill set: If you were fortunate enough to learn anything in life and apply that knowledge. Then it’s likely you have what they call a ‘skill’. It’s a good word, makes you feel good.
Have you got experience in that field? Can you work with certain software’? Ever spent more than a month making shit with something you thought was cool and actually made something cool. Write it down buddy.
- Work Experience: dun dun duuuuuun! They got you! It’s okay don’t worry. Just take in a big breath and make up some dates…(maybe don’t, but do it anyway?) Volunteering looks good to employers, for whatever reason – I know there are reasons but I don’t think it’s anything good. You don’t want to lay it all out, pick three to five jobs, or less…or just your work experience you did at school.
Choose the recent jobs and ones with good shit on it, keep it short: What was your position, what did you do there? Whack down the dates you were there too. Hang in there we are going to do this together. Both of us.
- Education: Better get thinking and be as honest as you possibly can. Pro-tip: If you have a GCSE in Maths, English and Science with grade C or above, you are in a higher tier of job seeker. (Well done you were smart once). But that’s just there for show; did you go to A levels? Uni? Masters? PhD? This is a biggie; make sure the jobs you are applying for slightly maybe match up to what you are doing. I need to make this clear now I have no idea what I am doing. Just write the name of the gaff you got smart in, years from and to, subjects & grades. Got it?
- Hobbies and interests: Time to get personal. Time to shine. This is your moment. Sell you, you? you! It is a ghastly moment we must all face. What do I do in life? What drives or inspires me? How motivated am I really? And begin to wonder if the things you love mean anything at all. What is it you are trying to say by laying out the threads of your very being that you want the employer to understand? It is very self explanatory, the previous paragraph was a waste of time to write.
But well done. Go look at yourself in the mirror now, you’ve changed. You’ve somehow, evolved. That feeling is called achievement. You did this, I’m dead proud.
Now you are armed; march forth with your CV held high above your skull. With this you shall send word of your abilities to foreign nations, you are a contender, a desirable hunk of nine to five.
Now get back to the job search.
This is the real browsing phase, window shopping is done. You’ve caught a glimpse or two of that steaming hot job. God it looked so good didn’t it? Didn’t it, It did.
Go get em’ you rascal! Bookmark those creamy delights and stock up too, the more you shoot at the target the more likely you are to hit the target (or whatever the fuck analogy you want).
So by now, you know what’s gonna be good. What suits ‘you’.
Whilst job searching, remember to have some grains of dignity, don’t sell yourself for less than you are worth. Don’t be a pleb, but be optimistic. You made it this far, you really are something kiddo.
So why not hold out for that job you would consider not amazing but better than the last job you interviewed for. Keep the dreams there. But honestly if you got to then you got to.
This is very long; I will continue writing this another day.
We’ll resume this with a guide to the oh so very scary…
COVER LETTERS / PERSONAL STATEMENTS.
I am tired, writing in a muggy haze and wish to stroke my cat.