Sell me Money

Some typical call centre bullshit occurred. I constantly receive sales calls and texts (lazy sales pitch right?) ever since I decided to take out various small short-term loans. I’m terrible with money. I was actually scammed out quite skilfully by a broker; I got the money, most of the money back.

Anyway, this patron of society, sitting at her desk smacking phone numbers into the digit box and calling across the country, crusading for truth and getting people their money back. FUCK I am ever distracted by my girlfriends stupid bastard rabbits that make an insane amount of scratchy hoppy dickhead noise. I loathe and love them dearly. And there are pigeons, with whom I battle daily, i bang my kitchen window so that they flee my balcony for a few minutes before they return to breed, shit, make nests and fuck with me further.

The woman on the phone, calling me, to save my precious money trapped against its own will.


“Have you taken out any insurance at all Mr. Mitchell?”

“Have I? No I never have taken out insurance, is that was this is about?”

“No sir these are hidden transactions that you would not have seen, taken out of things like credit cards, loans, overdra-“

“Alright no I don’t have any of these things, I am good thank you”

“Okay thank you for your time”


And that was that. I was lying through my teeth of course. I’m currently sitting on a load of debt as a result of three years of British University stupidity. I left University with a default on my credit card, utility bills, damage repairs (I wreck doors with my fists and skull when I can’t be cool as ice), owe friends and my mum money, two overdrawn overdrafts, no job and a degree. In Radio.

This shouldn’t deter anyone from going. Please go. It’s about as good as life may get for you.

Don’t worry about money, and don’t take money advice from anyone.

It was only until after the phone call, which just happened, which made me wish I had said yes to it all and taken another chance on the scramble for money, rabbit hole roulette table. Even if all I got was twenty quid, that is still a free bag of smoke.

I probably missed a good opportunity


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